it really is a thing that happened long ago, but what is this feeling? can it be called guilt? i would not hope that my actions long ago caused anyone distress and loss of confidence. or maybe its just that i am embarrassed i once acted so unsensitively. thank god we are still good friends. and now that the matter has been laid to rest, hopefully no one will mention anything anymore. or maybe its too much to wish. hahaha

didnt i just complain some time back that i wouldn't do this? after some passage of time, i forgot what i said. and now, i fully remember the reasons why i said i wouldnt. akin to slapping myself in the face. its already not easy, i guess some just make it even harder. if you didn't read, it's understandable, i'll just have to follow up with smses. if you read, know you cant go, or think you most likely wouldnt come, please at least have the manners to say something. what do you expect the silence to be interpreted as?

看得出啊？但是一星期吵架3次的时候，真的还是这样吗？两人背对背哽咽抽泣，是因为这样吗？不知怎的，近日总觉得被束缚。凡事不再能自己做主。成日无所事事的我，不应该是最多时间的吗？怎么都需要提早预约，搞得不再有即兴好玩的节目？失去潇洒，这点曾经让我感伤过。后来了解这其实在所难免，因为自己的天地住进了多一个人。但失去自由，我真的不能接受，也看不到理由应该接受。总觉得你的爱衍生出来的关心，不应该造成我的不便，或侵犯我的自由。能做的，想我做的，我真的已经尽力在做了。可是难道你看不出我不开心吗？偶尔忘记，你的反应激烈，惹得我反感。我怎么说你也听不进去的性格，让我想要坚持自己的行为。两个人相处就是这样，他试者磨去我的棱角，我试着改变他。怪不得人家说，相爱容易，相处难。我性格叛逆，你继续抓得那么紧，我会继续不开心。你也休想有平静的日子过了。哈哈。我们之间的平衡点，或许要很长一段时间才找得着。继续两天一次小吵，三天一次大吵的恶性循环吧。

offload all the things i want to rant, even if this does not solve the problems.